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«You don't have to face this alone — help is available!»
Year of birth
1986
Marital status
Married
Children
Two children born in 2017 and 2020
Occupation / current role
Besides my work at Periparto, I volunteer at a toy library and a children's café.
Hobbies
Relaxing, reading, picture books, podcasts, wanderlust, being creative
First PPD onset
Around 8 months after the birth of our second child
PPD lasted approximately
Two and a half years
History of depression / depressive mood
I was familiar with depression through my family and relatives. In my twenties, I experienced occasional bouts of depressive moods myself.
Signs / symptoms of my PPD
Sleep disturbances and chronic fatigue
Severe mood swings
Inner restlessness and constant tension
Irritability
Intense rumination
Sadness and frequent crying
Social withdrawal
Insecurity and feelings of failure as a mother
Feelings of guilt towards my children and my husband
Fear of losing control
Triggers of my PPD
It’s not clear to me. Was my exhaustion a trigger for the PPD, or was the exhaustion a consequence of the PPD?
My PPD in a nutshell
When our second child was born in early March 2020, Covid struck, and with it came isolation from our usual social circle. Our carefully planned postnatal support from family and friends fell through. Surprisingly, I coped much better in the early days with our newborn and our two-year-old than I could ever have imagined. After a few months, however, I noticed that I was increasingly exhausted and could no longer recharge my batteries. Not even when I carved out pockets of time in my daily routine to recharge. I realised that I could no longer recover or regain my strength. At the time, I didn’t immediately think of postnatal depression, because, to be honest, I didn’t know that it could occur several months after the birth. I felt listless, a great emptiness and indifference. I could no longer feel any joy, not even when I was with my children, and everything just felt exhausting. Small everyday tasks soon became an insurmountable chore. I was irritable and had uncontrolled outbursts of anger. I was shocked by myself, as I didn’t recognise who I had become. I felt ashamed of my feelings and behaviour. After a long time, I finally found the professional support I needed: an eight-week stay at the mother-and-child ward in Affoltern. That was a difficult yet necessary step in my healing process.
Reaction from those around me
Outwardly, I tried not to let on, as I couldn’t really explain or understand what was happening to me. Thanks to the Covid restrictions, I managed to withdraw from social life quite well. My closest family knew what was going on and supported me wherever they could.
Treatment (therapy)
Dance and movement therapy, mother-and-child ward in Affoltern, talk therapy, psychiatric home care, shiatsu
Medication
The medication support made a significant difference for me.
What really helped me
The bodywork with my dance and movement therapist, the stay at the mother-and-child ward, time just for myself (self-determination), enough sleep, talking to other affected mothers, a psychiatrist and talk therapist who were right for me
My realization
I don't have to be able to explain everything in words. I’m allowed to listen to my body. In hindsight, it gave me clear signs that I was not doing well. I’m allowed to set my boundaries. I don’t have to manage everything on my own and I’m allowed to seek support. I’m not alone.